Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
