..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
