i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
