i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
