you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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