shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
