If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
