my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
