lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
a search helicopter?!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
