Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
