Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize