girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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