Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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