so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
