so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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