she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize