My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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