We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
