Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
