i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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