My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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