I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
