im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
