The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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