you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
