If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize