I just saw a hot homeless man
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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