Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
only if we run a train.
done.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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