ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
