I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
