she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize