You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
