Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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