We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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