Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
