my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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