if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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