There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
be right there i have to get my cape
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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