i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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