I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
