Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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