when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
