Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
