on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
