so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
