my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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