I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Also, beer. Big fan.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
