I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize