matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
