It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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