this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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