Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
