I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
