Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize