PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
