What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
