She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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