Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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