Your mouth is God's brothel.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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