does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
