Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
