Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
