She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
