my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
