I murdered the dance floor call the cops
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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