if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
