I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
