Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
