I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize