i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
