Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
