Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
