Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
