I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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