You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
