That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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