We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The ass gains better be worth it
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