After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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