I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
