Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize