Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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