I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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