guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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