Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
