Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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